I'm happy but will I respect me in the morning....

I don’t think I could be happy without self respect, not for long anyway. Happiness can be achieved in relation to something or some condition or you can just decide to accept something. Self respect assumes a common definition of morals and implies you approve of your adherence to them. Sometimes it’s a very external feature of our environments that challenges or qualifies our happiness with something. Self respect, although seemingly internal, shares values we know to be true as well as perhaps we are lacking in participation of as defining attributes.

You can be at peace with decisions you make that you think will bring about happiness but that does not guarantee you have made a respectable decision. I could be easier to rectify a decision that makes you happy than it could be to right one that caused a lack of self respect. I guess it has a lot to do with how you define self respect. I choose not to lie, steal or hurt people. It is a matter of integrity and dignity. Even if someone does something to me, I find it no excuse to react with their level of disregard or iniquity. I patterned my behavior from behaviors of others towards me that I the past I despised or  which participation in invite even more deceit and malice. I try not to let my actions become slave to my desires, Even if it means forfeiting happiness.

It is not as easy as being happy with something to claim happiness. Often the condition is very much a measure of its opposite. In other words, I may not be happy but I am not as unhappy as I could be or was. Sometimes the choices we make  do not leave us with the most optimal and desired outcome but leave us with the feeling we have not stooped to tactics elow the level of morality and thus, we are satiated.

Somehow somewhere along the way in America, we got the notion that we could have everything, be everything and always be content. Especially now as times and the economy get rougher we are forced to make choices between things. Being happy in this regard can be relative to what is acceptable as a norm or minimal status. We can choose to be happy or ok with something, but once defined and  accepted, it is hard to dance around our deliberations of self respect. Some definitions have taken a long time to develop. Some levels of self respect require actions that have taken a long time to embrace (or abstain from). Sometimes we are just plain oblivious to the moral and social ramifications.

For a long time people regarded me as having no self respect. To the contrary, I just did not care what they thought about me. I truly thought they had a general disregard that should by its nature and severity, preclude me from caring about their opinions one way or another. This often led me to displaying  shocking behavior that didn’t necessarily leave me feeling like I had show the greatest respect to myself but nonetheless made me feel in control of the negative attention and judgments and therefore, “Happy”

Catch my Vibe?

Unless i know you, i will never speak to you. That kinda makes the people that hear me, to be word of mouth referrals, so blame them. Anything you see me do in public is to distract myself cause I'm shy. I figit alot and never go out unless I need to. I always think people are gonna think Im weird if I engage them, I avoid eye contact regularly. I always know real quik if someone likes me.

I'm not sure how much of a clue it is, but for as long as I can remember,  I always hid behind my hair. It was my silent tongue. If I was comfortable or if I thought you were pretty, I'd take it out of the pony tail and fluff it, all the while acting like I didn't notice you. If you were stuffy and had lame kids you were sheltering or found myself in a formal setting, I'd put it up in a ponytail. If I thought you didnt like me and it was down, I'd hide under it. I guess I should say I've always had beyond shoulder length long red hair, at least for the last 25 yrs.

I swore I'd never cut it. Many badguys wanted to do just that. I got mad at my sister for publicly judging me when I knew she was just trying to get rid of me cause she cashed my 750 dollar check and this guy was about to tell me, so I straight cut off all of it , pony tail against the back of my head with a gerber knife and threw it in her face...that was non verbal clue. I got laid that night...

Nowadays I slick it back and hairspray it. I'm older now and want to be invisible, unless I think your pretty...

Oh yeah, I first grew it out in the 80's when I moved from Chicago to West Texas. I listened to Rock and wasn't a mexican or a cowboy, so I gre it long, hoping i would look dangerous and people would avoid me. Soon I found out there were others like me, and here i thought i invented long hair to defend me. The hairspray bands to come really betrayed my sense of, well -self. 

The only other non verbal clues I give are when Im walking and people are watching. People watching can change my whole gait. If I like you and think you may be cool, Ill walk real relaxed. If you are in a group of home boys Ill freeze up if yall are mean muggin, and if your stylin and chillin I put on the swagger. When Im in a bar and someone start looking at me violently for no reason. I get real straight, then I usually walk up and ask a dumb irrelevant question justtto let em know im not afraid to get in there circle...but i have to be rally threatened to do that. Other wise I usually avert everyones gaze. I always change my body language with every person i encounter. And if i think your pretty, ill start dancing weirds, and shaking my head funny like i can hear music, and I can!  

That ain't PC, Bitches!

 As I recall the conversations I had with others as a child, it seems a large amount of that time was spent making fun of each other or other people.  I don’t know if it was something that we picked up from adults or if we were just finding it hard to distinguish ourselves as individuals with no really great role models to reinforce good behavior.  Either way, I remember walking home from school each day and the whole conversation was one set of kids making fun of another set.  This would go on back and forth until the last kid found his home and there was no one left to rabble with.  Back then hair color, weight or general ugliness were the points of interest or contention.  Rarely would someone bring up sex, race or creed.  That was the 1970s. 
In the 1980s and 1990s, people seemed to be a little more conscious of their differences.  Certain things became off limits and taboo to speak about.  They just wasn’t Politically Correct.  As if born in some suburban utopia, the phrase “PC” became a way to describe not only topics not to be spoken of, but became a general list of forbidden ideals and notions.

Beyond racism, almost every known generalization became targets for the “PC” police.  I finally drew the line when a friend of mine who just happen to have very dark skin informed me that was offensive for me to refer to them as black.  I had been trained that African American had become the preferred reference but did not understand how to be called black was offensive.  He told me that he was of a Jamaican French ancestry.  He and related that black was a color reference that lumped him in with all the other people who were slaves at the time his ancestors arrived.  Black was the white man's way of stripping away the individuality of people and casting them all into one class devoid of nationality. They were all slaves and all slaves were black.

  I began to see that everybody has a way that they are viewed that they do not agree with.  Nobody can be conscious of all the nuances and distinctions of discrimination that bother people.  To be overly conscious of some biases that doesn't mean you don't have other prejudices that exist below the surface or are imbedded in your upbringing.  Me and my friends saw the politically correct movement for what it was, another attempt for some people in society to act like they're better than everybody else.  We quickly dawned these elitists with a PC name of our own, we called them “Hippies”.

 Mind you we were in Texas. With fervor and reverence, we never missed a chance to hang the label “damn hippies” on any one who acted holier than thou or one out of their way to make someone pick up their trash or inform someone that they weren't recycling properly.  Livin’ in Austin Texas you could imagine the fun we had watching the confused looks, faces of people,: convinced that they were born to be their brother's keeper, twist as we would mutter “hippies” under our breaths as they questioned the Starbucks waiter as to the organic nature of the creamer or the recycled paper content of the cup.  Years later in a slightly related social linguistic experiment we indoctrinated many young white urban kids bent on saying the word “nigga” and got them to switch it with the word “bitches” ….  Yeah, that was me….

Without a word

It was said that a long time ago, all the peoples of the earth gathered together to build the tower to the heavens. Sharing one tongue, they pooled their efforts and proceded to construct a stairway with which to reach God. An account in the book of Jasher, an early Hebrew scripture left out of the bible by Papal scholars, gives the reasons for the attempted ascension of its builders. Whether enthusiastically or possibly doubting his existence, some wanted to meet God face to face. Others that were angry with God brought weapons to make war with him. Without a word, their efforts were reduced to rubble and their common language was shattered and splintered like their tribe.

Globalization can mean many things. Fundamentally it means unifying as one planet. It means, ”making global” much like industrialization means “making industrial”. So when you say “Globalizing English”, you mean making English global. The way I see it, English is globalization.

Throughout recent history, England’s claim to fame was the control of all portals, or the naval ports. Their maritime presence would remain unrivaled. After centuries of military conquest, diplomacy and colonization, England became a global power, extending its dominance and culture around the world. In the past, it would be said that the sun never set on Rome’s possessions. The same would be true of England.

Mercantilism would spread the English culture, language and laws to every corner of the civilized and non-civilized world. English had become the language of religion and science for most of Europe and the West. Having seemingly mastered and conquered the land and oceans, technology became the new tower and mankind would once again look to the heavens with zeal.

In a remote desert in the Andes there are lines thousands of meters long etched into the ground that have literally escaped the sands of time. It would take a technological miracle, equal to likes of the gods themselves, to propel mankind to a pseudo-celestial vantage point by which he would come to perceive and appreciate these animal-like works of art and their ramifications. The language of its creators, Quecha, is a derivative of Proto- Quechua. The Incas had no written language. They imposed the language on their conquered territories and relied on the differences between these territories to keep them small and manageable. Likewise, the Spanish would impose Spanish upon them as they were conquered and prohibit the speaking of their native language as a form of oppression, much like Anglos did to Mexican Americans in early US history. Although Spanish dialects are most dominant, the language has made a comeback. 8 million people speak Quechua today. It is the language most spoken in the entire region. Perhaps if not for a bad storm sinking the Spanish Armada

It has been said that history is written the victors. When a language reaches its creative potential and the gifts and advancements it creates have peaked, the culture flatlines and is absorbed by something greater. I liken this to the ordering of energy in a system as it moves out of chaos. The inertia of truth cannot be stopped once set in motion. Yet, there’s a process to evolution that is inherently human and necessary. The globalization of the English language is a natural phenomenon. The fact that people want to learn it so that they can partake in the bounty that it has created, is a testimony to its superiority and ability to assimilate the thoughts and words from many great nations and peoples. History has a way of repeating itself, however, and perhaps like the Ouroboros, the English language is coming full circle, fulfilling its destiny as tower builder and preparing us for ascension (or otherwise) once again.

Note: I have it on High authority the angels speak an Enochian dialect known to Solomon and that to know it fluently is to control them. Perhaps this is why Hebrew has no vowels, rendering it unspeakable.

Get in the Game!

So I opened the chapter randomly to pick an essay to blog about, and with gyspy-like accuracy, I give you 11 ways to help your writing, courtesy of John Leo “On Good Writing” Page 115 of the EL text.

Print this out and hang it above your computer. If you find it helpful tell one classmate about this blog.

1. Paragraph 16 “Candor, clarity, and sincerity are important keys…”

I live by these principles in life. I think they make a great addition to the list. I have often feared that learning to think critically would be a lesson in how to lie. It has been more of an education in how others try to make you “not” think critically.



2. Paragraph 17 “Work to avoid the dead idioms…”

Make your own catch phrases to let others see the world through your eyes. If you’ve heard it before, so has somebody else and it will shut down their thinking leaving them hypnotized not rationalized.



3. Paragraph 19 “Avoid the use of adjectives…”

This was the paragraph and phrase I opened to that started this blog. My eyes caught it the the word “Hemmingway”. I don’t recognize the adjective “Hemmingwayly” but it sounds pretty trumped up. Seems like it would make a much better noun.



4. Paragraph 22 “Write in your own voice…”

Sound like the speech you got as a child or at least what you retained through the filter of youthful bliss and fear.



5. Paragraph 23 “Write as though you are addressing each reader personally…”

This one is a gem. I can’t wait to use it. You won’t know what you have to give until you give it. Even if you never know how you are taken, you are giving the gift of tip #1.



6. Paragraph 24 “Find the subject you care about and feel in your heart others will care about...”

Always at the Eleventh hour, I find a subject I care about and a way to weave it into my literary constraints/opportunities. Find a way to not wait until the end and call me and tell me how you did it.



7. Paragraph 25 “Breaking every known rule of writing…”

This is an example of how every paragraph I’ve quoted is worth reading. I read in a completely unorthodox way. I sneak up on the paragraph and start pulling sentences out of it randomly like a deck of tumbling tarot cards. I will let the rule breaking in writing come naturally.



8. Paragraph 27 “Don’t try to sound like other people, learn all the big word you can, then strive mightily never to use them if a short word will do…”

This one is pretty much a no brainer.



9. Paragraph 28 “Don’t be afraid to rip up your essay…”

This is the only thing I’ve ever wrote that made it to post in one fluid motion without editing or changing topic midstream and that is DAMN scary…



10. Paragraph 30 “Don’t use the phrases “I believe” or “I feel”…”

This one comes out of our teachers play book as well. It would make a good essay topic. Then you’d have to use the word “I” Ha Ha!



11. Paragraph 31 “Don’t use the word “I”…”

I couldn’t help but add this one…Check out the text though, so you can make up your own mind…



I hope someone reads this…mabey I will start reading the blogs of those that don’t…And that is not a threat…it’s a promise!

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/I+Against+I/8Co0P?src=5